A Refuge for the World Weary
In our community today, a vast majority of the natural wonders of the world have been destroyed in order to make room for technological advancements in our society. Deforestation, animal extinction, and pollution of the very air we breath is changing our way of life into a more desolate place each day.
But what if you could escape from the chaos of everyday life; to sit and reflect upon the nature that decreasingly remains, but still exists. This is where the Hylebos Wetlands maintains the beauty of nature in our community; where anyone can enjoy the wildlife of this abundant refuge. As the last remaining bog in South King County, not only do the Hylebos Wetlands and surrounding creek provide a haven for literally over hundreds of woodland creatures and plants, but the wetlands also serve as a purifier for Hylebos Creek and the Redondo-Milton aquifier which continues to provide the water sources for the Federal Way, Milton, Fife, and Puyallup water supply.
Without the existence of the Hylebos Wetlands and creek, our community would see a decrease in the salmon population, as well as other plants and animals, and our water wouldn't be as clean because we wouldn't have the natural purifiers that Hylebos Wetlands provides.
Although the Wetlands can survive on their own, there are many problems that it still encounters. The invasion of non-native plants and the needed restoration of the salmon habitat leaves the Wetlands begging for the help of people who care about the outcome of the Wetlands.
Fortunately, there is a group called the Stream Team. This group of people is comprised of mostly Americorps volunteers as well as citizens from around the community. About two years ago, I was able to experience the volunteer opportunities of restoring the Hylebos Wetlands. Not only do the Stream Team and its volunteers restore the salmon habitat by replanting native plants along the creek, and conducting fish spawning surveys during popular spawning seasons; but they also provide maintence of newly planted plants, continually test the quality of the water, as well as provide public outreach programs for those who are interested in learning about the Wetlands as well as volunteering in maintaining it's existence.
As long as members of our community continue to express interest and effort in maintaining Hylebos Wetlands, there will continue to be a beautiful nature reserve for all who wish to enjoy it.
posted by Brianne Beets @ 7:49 AM
2 Comments:
Great job with the essay! You gave alot of information that I didn't know, and you added your own experience to it. What I was a little confused about, however, is that your introduction talked about the problem of the destruction of nature, but then the rest of your essay talked about the good of the Hylebos Wetland, which is still there. I don't really understand how that correlates with the community problem. Maybe you could add a few sentences to explain that? Otherwise, it's its a very well done essay. No wonder you are a journalist!
The title needs a little "oomph," a little "jazz." How can you liven it up? Here is a good strategy:
General: Specific
Filling in what you've got, the title then becomes
"A Refuge for the World Weary": Specific
What can that specific piece be? Something like "Deforestation and its Social Impact" or somesuch.
The intro is very cliched: "In our community today," as an opening line? SNORE...make this relevant. Give a startling statistic or something...there's too much good stuff out there on this topic not to use it. It also seems disconnected from the specific focus (the Hylebos, or water quality). Refocus/ reconnect the intro to your topic.
"But what if you could escape from the chaos of everyday life; to sit and reflect upon the nature that decreasingly remains, but still exists." This is weird sentence structure to me, and is a misuse of the ";". Think about how to streamline the structure.
Also, watch talking about the Hylebos as if we know what it is. I do, but some people might not (I think of my students from a few quarters ago who worked with me on a water quality data project for the city of Federal Way -- NONE of them knew what the Hylebos was). Introduce the concept before writing as if we know what it is. You've got it here, but it seems to come after you've talked about the Hylebos.
What is the social problem? That isn't clearly defined.
Excellent incorporation of the organization involved. You are one of the few students who actually got this in -- and got it in well!
"Our" and "you" is distracting...edit those out, and focus on being very declarative and in control. Don't put it back on the reader -- you be in control of the paper.
There are some p's that are waaaaay too short. Not sure what's going on with that...
Things you're doing well:
Clear topical focus
Thinking beyond the topic
College-level complexity
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